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I think my main purpose in life is to know god, serve him, and follow his ways. I believe in god, a higher spirit. 

I’m the type of person that needs a good reason for why I’m here on this earth, or else nothing else makes much sense. And I think even atheists and agnostics recognize this inner conflict, to a great extent. They say that life is ultimately meaningless beyond the meaning we happen to make in it; that the absurd is something real, and that there’s no Higher purpose or meaning to life. They answer the existential question by saying that there’s no afterlife, there’s no higher being in existence. There’s no greater plan, there’s no rhyme or reason. And even if there happens to be a god, it’s unknowable, and so belief is illogical. The purpose, reason, and meaning to life is what you happen to make; there’s no god and no Objective purpose. Some people say that helping others, keeping hope, trying to make the world a better place, love, joy, and personal growth/human progression (and similar virtues) is as close to an objective purpose as there is, as there can be. There’s no god. Or, it’s unknowable.

As for my wanting a foundational meaning, reason, and purpose; I believe in god pretty strongly. I admittedly ran into some problems with my Muslim faith–both with the Muslim community in my local area, and with some of the content of the Islamic faith, certain tenets that seem to be part and parcel of the faith. For some reason, I couldn’t really get along with (or make good connections with) any people in my mosque or in the Muslim community in my hometown area. I have problems with connecting with people in general, but this specific hindrance with making friends with the Muslims over in my area seem more to do with some sort of bullying and ostracism, more so than my own introversion and cognitive difficulties, and my problems with connecting. I can’t help but wonder whether there was some sort of rumor (or negative talk, hurtful type of language) that had went on in the past, about me. To this day, I have zero friends from the Muslim community here in northern Virginia—a grand total of zero. This is despite having tried my hardest to be part of the community and to intermingle and try to make friends. It’s been a painful process for me, a painful learning experience. I absolutely do not plan on “intermingling” anymore; I don’t plan on going back to the local mosque or to any of the events or social gatherings, ever. I’ve had a bellyful; I’ve had enough of their condescension and meanness.

In addition to my problems with the Muslim social scene, the interpersonal dynamics with the Muslim community here in NoVA, I honestly have problems with certain Islamic teachings. It’s a beautiful religion, Islam really is a beautiful religion, with lots to offer the world; lots to teach the world. But I couldn’t agree with the traditionalist teachings on sexuality, the mandatory dress code for women, and so on. I couldn’t agree with the idea that things like prayer and so on are mandatory, and that there’s god’s disapproval for not doing them. I like prayer, and I wish it could have been considered more of a highly recommended yet ultimately optional (non-mandatory) act of worship. The way things often come across in Islamic jurisprudence, it comes across like there’s disapproval and so on for not praying. This in itself, this belief, is illogical and unmerciful. Prayer is a beautiful act, but there shouldn’t be any negative consequences for not offering it. | I know that these tenets are ‘traditionalist teachings,’ and that many people assert that Islam can possibly evolve out of that. They say that it’s possible to have Islam as more of a guiding light, and not a legalist, overly-regulatory type of ethical code. And they say it’s possible to have Islam as more of a personal faith and religion, rather than as imposition on society, on others. I.e., we can possibly leave the idea of ‘societal Islam’ and political Islam, and etc. Actually, I think whenever you have a particular type of morality, it becomes difficulty to impose the way of life on everyone. It shouldn’t even be attempted. Religion is a personal thing, it’s a particular moral compass that you’d chosen, or not chosen. I personally believe in god with no formal religion, though I do believe in much of the sacred texts of Islam. And I do believe in things like prayer, fasting, almsgiving, morality, uprightness, not hurting anyone, and etc. I’m a Muslim in the sense of believing in the obviously good teachings that the faith professes. I honestly just had some difficulty with certain elements of it. I don’t believe in absolutely all of it, if certain elements truly are reflective of what the religion actually says/teaches. | At the end of the day, I’m a universalist/omnist; I believe in the validity and truth of all religious expressions, all faiths. I believe in a peaceful afterlife, I believe in the salvation of all souls with the eternal loving source, the originator of the universe, the creator and the benevolent lord who lives through us in spirit.

‘My servant draws near to Me with nothing more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with more devotion, until I love him. When I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his sight with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant it to him. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.’ -hadith qudsi.

‘I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length. If he draws near to me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I rush to him with great speed.’ -hadith qudsi.

~ ty.